:) Going to be on my way to school in about seven hours or more.
And i will only be back on sunday night.
It's prolly the break that i need right now to sort out what i am going to do, now on.
Whether its about, friends/friendships, dating, life in general, future (5/10/6/3 yrs from now), career, dance, handicrafts, culture, whatever.
I really need to stand up and get myself tidied up.
Met up with X and M. I totally feel like some one else watching by the sidelines.
No pun intended, no hard feelings.
I guess maybe it is time to let go? I have no idea. (Totally not linking with the above two sentences.)
The thing about giving up your friends, as wrong as it sounds, is painful. At least it is to me.
I could be, but i am not, like: 'Oh, it don't matter, since its going to be awkward' Or 'If it's not meant to be, well i just have to give it up'. I can't do it.

Maybe because i am unwilling to change. In a sense: 'who the heck now at our age can be as candid and true to one and other. It's the time where we grow into little chameleons and protect ourselves with one thousand and one colors to face other chameleons.' Oh, thinking about it irks me to the core.
I can't. People know when i feel negative to them. Explains the speech from one of my friend. People know if i think or not. But they like to self delude themselves.

I get a lot of misinterpretation.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alternatively, i change.
I can be someone who doesn't talk much. (It might be unbelievable but nobody knows any other in and out completely. So quit judging.)
I can be someone who chose to not express freely how she feels about things and her surrounding.
I can be someone that listens, smiles at every single thing, sympathize with you, care for you and be there 24/7.
I almost said i can be the girl who smokes, hangout late, sleepover at random friend's house. (I don't think i would ever want everyday to be, even though it might sound fun and all damn bonding. What happened to the days where we all cherish the precious times that we could spent late nights out, or sleep over at girl's' house?) especially the studying for 'O's period. Damn, Why won't anyone reminiscence these.
Yes, people do 'change' because they grow up, they mature, the friends the have/mingle(d), their surrounding environment, circumstances. Etc
But i heard phrases like, a leopard never changes it spots. I heard things like, its easier to move a mountain than to change a person's character.
But i go with this: 'When people change it means the end.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Momentarily ranting/babbling.
I get the point totally. I'm just not satisfied in why people need this and that. Maybe i wanted so much for others to fit in (vice-versa), i guess maybe we should just stop asking each other to fit in at all.
I am going to just let things go their way, and prolly its time for me to stop being so bossy and nosy about nonsensical sh!t.

I am not really saying it is nonsensical, its just if they want you to know, you will get to know, otherwise it prolly don't concern you anyway. Alternatively, you can ask. It depends. You get direct/direct relation or inverse relation.

I am so going to not make sense if i continue.
Sleepyyyyy!

When i assume to much, I make myself sad. Be overly-confident and you get: 'Bitches talking behind you back.'
Suie: Ignorance is bliss, applies not to fools but the wise who choose not to let nonconstructive forces affect the boundaries of their power/influence.


Nights everyone! :)
loves, suie.

P/s: you might feel it. And if you don't then you prolly didn't really cared in the first place, i wouldn't mind. :)



Currently hoked on these two songs:




Her figure also not bad siol!

Ah haha.:)
After snacking on my sister's cooking i decided that she can cook now. Like 'oh my she can actually whip something like this.' TEEHEE.

Had an amazing time with the girls and seriously really liked the times with them. I must learn to cherish it, even how. :) i am trying and learning to be a better person and christian. :)

Alright, on the side note. Bumped into M. I was like, happy and glad at the same time.
In my heart iwl: *Heart fluttering* "@#$%^&U*I(!@#$%^&*(" LOL.
I guess i never did forget you, because you were the first guy that ever loved me the way i am. :) hahaa.




:) yeahhhhh! I shall go shower and play sims already! :) i can't wait for TC; yet i really hope my knee recovers quick.



Love suie! :)



Alright.
A little bit about today. I will start from the end then to the start.
Ended the day with lots of questions/thinking in my mind. Like, oh. People really do have the impression of me being superduper busy.
Is like an imprint. I have to admit that yeah, my nights are taken. But my afternoons are often free.
I know it might seem pointless even to have that pointed out. 

Met Hammie, great time. Love her. :)
she was working earlier on, which i know how much rest time she sacrifices. aww. Sweet.

while she was making her way down/working. the three of us went for 'johnny english'. I had this mini surprise for Van and arran. I hope they liked it and frankly, im worried that _____ wasn't comfortable with me the entire day.  I could feel that if it was just me and him, he would not bother (As cold as was he's reply, as much i feel him hating me, tensing up inside).
In my heart i was like: " It's really sad, as he stands a huge space in my life, and well have been in my life for freaking 12 years. "
I don't even know if you bother with how i feel now. 

I am really just finding this hard to let go.
*mumbles* Gah.
Suie. You can do it. :)

The morning was good, because despite that i wanted to sleep in more, i went out for a walk to grab my brunch. I was really hoping that i was with you. Waiting for your reply, but it came more skeptical than ever. Even picking up my calls seem like a drag to you.
In my heart iwl: "I don't want to be fake in-front of you, so i'm not going to try so hard to act cheery." (It doesn't mean i am faking cheery all the time, is just that when i get rejected i don't want to try so super hard to make some one feel perked in meeting me/conversing/be with me)
(immature) : "I know how it might be, it would be my fault entirely huh? Ever heard about it takes two hands to clap, and i made the effort. I am not saying just so that i redeem myself or what evilee perspective you have/had of me. I am a bimbo probably, yet i could feel you tensing. I wanted to cry then, its like we are judging whether to pull each other out of our hearts. Or rather you already did and you want the place you had in my heart to be given to someone else."

Since, hanging out with me, you said words like, "she forever one. / oh, she starting liao / She pull stunt again" Means, i probably am not the kind of girl you guys think i am now.
I am not fake you know, i am not two-faced. I am a simpleton, who appreciates what i have. Even though maybe by living the moment i don't cherish people the same as much as my moments in life, but i know i have been naive enough, so much that i thought i will always have you by my side yet, you drifted away so silently, or have i been too oblivious about it. Why can't you guys be honest/candid about it. Don't have to  hide the truth from me. If you wanna leave do it like that woman(Though she didn't really did it, as i was the one who confronted and it was ugly. But i got the point and, i cried and let go.). And tell me about it. At least i know, and whatever happens to me, whatever i do to forget you guys. You guys don't even have to hear about it.

Maybe i will be left standing alone, but this is one of the consequences i have to face of my decisions/choices and to be strong. Is like why won't anyone ask the strong ones how they manage to do it? Inside we are bleeding so terribly, that we became vampires and bleed no more. Our cracks heal up, and when there is a stepping stone, we dive in for the bite. That's the world now isn't it.

Enough of these thoughts. It's getting overwhelming. DIARY!
LOL. :)


Loves. :)

I still remember once a time i told myself to live life without regrets. To live the moment.


I am really bloated right now! Should have ran a few more rounds!
Moving on. There were days i wanted to blog how photography means to me.
Today whilst walking home, an ironic thought struck me.
Patties. Yeah. It irks me. Because i realize how much i don't like it but i still eat it. Which is completely out of me. The kind of smell (Eww) and the little bits of white translucent stuff you find when you chew on it, it could be the bones (now that i think of it). Gross. I am so gonna puke now.
Just like how i manage to swallow steam mince pork.
I am disgusted by myself. Similarly, sausages/ hot dogs/corn dogs/whatever you call it, Has presented the same  to me. Super disgusting condom rolls in which when you pierce your teeth into its synthetic cover burst out that empty feeling of raw-ness and juice.

Uh. Gotta stop. I must not give in to people and swallow the kind of things that i actually abhor or irks me.


Haha. i have got to pray pray and pray more often. Shhs. I should actually get my books and bible. hahahha.
:) practice tmr. Hope it goes well. two three hours of practice. :) goody. :) Monday, swimming. :) dancing. Cheers! :)
 :)

Suie. :) with lots of love.



Yeah. Heck no i am filling it with blues. Even blues are good news - smurfs.
Any chance of anyone understanding what i am writing some times? :)
I know, most of the time i rant about understanding, and like no one could ever truly understand some one. That's true. And for me, it was & is very true indeed. I am some one whom even though expressed so much of my love und desire towards some one, but the most delicate thing(s) of the person i can actually diminish it like that. The funny part was, i don't even know. Yes. Cliche - Until when it's gone.
True enough i say how much we have lost it. How much i missed it. And you actually gave me so much chances. But i lived for the moment - only. I took it and then i give it up.
I give up to easily at times, most of the time
and now you are giving it up too?

Will you give me another chance? I know how unfair it is, i promise that even though i don't know how, i'd make it up to you.
If you know my dear
Ask me out now
Ask me out
I will go meet you even how
rush it is going to be
i just want to say hi
to hold you
to see
that smile on your face
Why have you got to do this alone
I could have been there for you
I could have..
I wish we could always be the first ones
for each other.
- #1 speed dial

(even though i don't have your number now, i know you might think it could be a moment of sentimental thing for me. but it wouldn't be, cause my love and warmth for you surpass these words i conjured. I know you know. Please let not the warmth fade. Please. )

p.s: you and i weighed so heavily in each others' heart. Why let go?
you are my solution and i could be yours.
suie.

Photography. :)

Seriously!
I must stop falling in love with Gay-Boy(s). What if i become Gay. That is so not right.
By saying this doesn't mean i am against Homo(s) or whatsoever. I am just saying that, i don't wanna be gay, just like if you were  are gay, you don't wanna be straight. Tada.
Opps.

Recently i am really rotting at home or anywhere. Just too listless for anything. Even bickering with my sister requires so much effort from me, that i would just stop replying her. You think that's normal? Nope. Definitely not from this woman. LOL
WOMAN. Sheesh.
Mum just spent a bomb on health products. Whilst i spent a bomb on make up.
Some times i wonder where's the 'oh i won't put make up in the future' mindset i used to have. Some times i shouldn't be so quick on the tongue about future.

Yes. Some things that i have got to agree, is that Changes made/done/simply with/through God is more permanent than made/done/simply with./through self. Vice versa. (?)
(They are all good, but he's on the right.)





*stares*

Loves suie! ;)

Deciding whether to take up more part time courses. :(

Today went over at republic poly to have practice. Wasn't much, but i'm beat. Like seriously. Went over to winnie's birthday party, was glad to see her. She lost an amount of weight. The rest was good. :) Ate like a pig.
One thing i realize is that when you are fat, people don't comment you are fat. But to know when you are skinny is when people tease you by saying you are fat.
Nonsense aside. Planning dates with nanny, the rest not so much. I am getting pissed by a particular person.

I guess people do change or at a certain point of time, had their inner-self revealed.
Not so good. I realized actually nobody really wants to know about how you are doing. It is just a conversation starter, maintainer. Like hey how's it going? *blah* Oh really?? Woah.. *yayayaya* Okay, i see.
I am just being skeptical. I know probably sounded really offensive here. But yeah, i am just pissed because i know that actually no one is interested in what i am about to say some times. Most of the time, i just do like what i do ramble off. Hoping it get stuck some where. But no.
Some times i have to hand it God. Cause he is the only one (haha, actually maybe some times God my be like not again?! ) that will be there for ever, listening to me and replies me seriously! :) hahaha.
Okay i sounded really prissy. STRIKE.

I want to be a billionaire! :) Not really, but i do want to be cover girl. :)

hahahaha. :)
oops. I want to be some one who has the ability to have people to pamper her. That sounded prissy too. LOL!
okay lurh. Enough nonsense. Falling sick. GG.


BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Loves suie!! :)

In fact i don't think i know my best friends like i thought i knew.

" i like what i say so i liked my own post" - MICHELLE
"okay. you're getting too hyper. conversation with you ends here." - MICHELLE!

Title: About me
Under: "Thank you for your interest in Edward, and please know that Edward is very interested in you. " :)






GAWD ZXCZDT%WSXCVHTRESXC VBYTRESX VB

"By then I will have a Keurig coffee brewer. And if not, then I have failed and no longer deserve to live."
-Blake-Jacobsen


HEARTS! 

When i hover too long over the blank page, i get stuck not knowing how to write.
Felt to-day was infinite but fun filled day.
Started off with a sleepover with miss tiger and headed over to Lei yi's house for some dancing session; ending the day with hotpot and bonding session with _____  clique. *we haven really decide the name* Anyways, i kinda enjoyed myself. Despite having some aching & pains here and there.
Muahahaa. Been spending. And realizing. So have to like save up already.
A lot of wantsss! Teehee!
I need to start training alreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
I need to start Saving alreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
I need to start jialabokchak!
LOL. I don't even now what am i typing! ahha. MICHELLE FASTER COME HOME!


The end.

I use-d to have friends that stood in different areas und aspect(s) of my life. But now i left not-a-many. What happen-ed. really. What's the glitch.

- suie :)(: