Thursday, December 09, 2010
Lost of most directions and all of senses. @ 6:26 AM
Right. I have no idea what i was doing, allowing myself into self denial and delusional stages.
Like everyone is busying about. Yes, Common tests are around the corner, to some has already started but mine in less than a week. I don't know how should i comfort myself. Like, i haven started on a single thing, so should i just forget it. Or burn all the midnight oil to come and be a zombie at the examination hall. Both choices seems deathly.
I missed a whole lot of things this year. And truthfully i should blame none but him. But technically, it is my fault to began with. Weakling.
I really wonder how skeptical and cold i can get. I surprised myself.
[Rantings have been deleted.]
I should stop procrastinating. Like;
1. I say i want to lose weight but i am not doing anything.
2. I want to get good grades but i haven started anything and i can still be here blogging.
3. I want to be nicer to everyone but i am neglecting/skeptical/cold/mean/etc to most.
4. I say i wan tto save money but i am like planning for huge shopping trips.
I want to post much pictures but i cant find the friggin' memory card reader. I swear i am going nuts. any sooner. (back from treasure hunt)
yeah. I found it. But the camera is not here. -.-
Anyhow. I really hope that in the days to come, it would not get any colder. Cause days are already chilling my heart.
It's amazing some times how a cry baby like me can resist crying at times. Because i am so fragile within i cry at the slightest thing that matters in my heart. True enough i can be mean at times (or most) i do with a real heart. I guess the mousy me went away with 2009 and half of 2010. Perhaps this is what they meant by being 18. But anyhow, to most it might be a bad change to me. But perhaps i am still me, just that i've strengthen the outer shield of mine. It ought to be right, isn't it?
Just like some times you can't rationalize some things are right. :)
If crying settles everything, then i don't mind crying every other day.
Leaving this page. :)
p/s: i am sorry. for everything i've done.