Hey! (:
I'm Not sure if i have that a much readers.
Recently im posting over @ www.dreamsofglitteredsnow.blogspot.com.
Not going to change to a static skin here, 'cause for some reasons, maybe you guys need the links/the archives to read.


-

Who would have known.


Yes. There are probably a million things that i thought i should do / i told myself i'd do yet i haven.
Yes. I am guilty as charged.
No. I don't even find the need to explain because i don't ever thought it that way. Ever. (Alright this sentence prolly sounded confusing.)
I am feeling really bad right now. Because i haven been there for the people i ought to be. Then again, i was never part of it. Like the whole thing. Even though there are people, whom were of my concern perhaps gave me a second chance, which was this concert, yet i didn't took hold of it.
I might just have typed a lengthy post just to lament on the should have. No. Now on, i am going cherish and live moments the way i want to - Of course still praying to God. There might be mishaps, regrets, and God-Knows-What. I am not going to look back. The only reason that i might may, is to learn from the past, or prolly just to reminisce or reflect. You see, memories are the only thing that stays the same, and history are the best reference books that you can ever get access to. That's what i learnt.

Nah. I have received enough comments you know, from life from everyone else. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop here. At this point. When i grow older, i study/work/have a family/grow even older/before i die, there are going to be people/demons/devil-like coming my way and trying to get me down. Am i going to back up? Am i going to give up? These are like open-ended questions. You can either be submissive or you fight it.

My answer: I know that as long as we are with our lord, :) We will be fine. :) SO FIGHTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!! 
Or maybe i will just simply ignore nonconstructive / negative comments and try to work with the opposite ones. ;) Yes my dear friends, fret not. I'm not going through the rebellious period now. I'm still the naggy cry baby who will ever so going to call/text/rant to you guys whenever i need listening ears/advice/presences from you guys. :) Or just because i miss you guys so. I have been taught to love which prolly is one of the things in my life that i wouldn't want to give it up. :)
The rising issue - I feel that some times we have been living in this world trying please people and fit into the skin of acceptance (of this world) too much obliviously. We don't realize it, we change because the world made us.
Then again, you guys could/can disagree with me. :)

Prejudice.
Hatred.
Unforgiveness. (Got spelling error! LOL)

Some times its all about letting go. - Loves, suie.

P/s: I might never be able to track back, because the most expensive currency in this world waits for no one anyone know or ever knew. The only thing you can/could do when you realize what you have of this world, which is the currency that which i may have spoken before, is to spent and utilize it wisely.


When you think you are good, there's always some one better out there.

:) I am just glad that today God has been with me. And i know he always will for the rest of my life. :)

I miss you.



Hey.  I totally forgot, we use to sit by together wishing we could do things that kids do during festive(s) out there. You know. We can't dress up like faeries, neither can we layer up because Singapore's too hot. I forgot how important you are to me, and how the little things that should be important - i thought not. Because i was too occupied with anger and what else clouding my sight. I am sorry.
You might not think it's you i am apologizing to, but its you.

I have to give it up. It's a little too much for me to control or change. I can always surprise you, i can always listen to you and instead of showing how much i understand or care, i prefer to make you move on/ not thinking about it anymore/ laugh. Because sitting on it is not going to change it, and if you can't change/control it, let go. :) At least, You are doing it with me. :)
But i realize it doesn't satisfy you. What should i do? I am insensitive and so are you. Both of us. How?
Let go. Let go.

Ima fly to somewhere you never thought you knew, until you are ready and have come to join me.

Love, Suie.






I am officially nuts. Like ever imagine suie sitting in front of the computer screen like every day for at least seven hours? That's like suie working in an office cubicle. That's like @#$%^&*.

Period. How am i suppose to concentrate when my eyes are tired already? :(
Many things like always, run through my mind. I cried.
Some times, all i wanted was for some one to listen, then again i didn't want to talk.
HOW.

I need time, i need focus. I need myself to abide. I need to well management.

What am i doing.

Love suie.
P/s I know there are countable people there for me to love. Yet i am finding someone to love, isnt that plainly ironic?





haha, Yes. Been watching some movies (Past) on Funshion - Awesome.. :)
Recently, i can't stop thinking about what to do after i graduate. Should i work? Try to get into a local University no matter what course and all, just keep on applying? Fight for a chance to study overseas?  Apply for arts? or do a runaway with michelle to somewhere!!!!!!!!!!! *MUAHAHA*

Other than that, I have been out of sorts recently, All i can think about is trying to force myself to lose some weight/tone/slim down (Even though i guess i haven been really putting my mind into it) else it would be project and dance. Dance. I read something from my friend's status: "What do you do when you realize ur not as sure abt something u were so sure before?"
That's prolly the nearest thing to what i have about dance *and other stuff*. It's not that i am doubting my passion for dance, if so i would have stopped long ago like what Chelle says about the few of them. Dance has been such a huge part of my life that i didn't even realize! And now, if i were to choose what would i choose? Will i be able to bear with my decisions? Will it be the right choice? How about God's will, is it?

I am really glad for the ones that are still beside me, and recently people are constantly warning me about trust. Why? Trust is the most valuable thing i guess in the world between two people, if a person is willing to trust you so much no matter what you said or did, just to give you that last shot - isn't it the most precious thing that you could ever ask for? :)  - i personally think so, different people might have different opinion i guess.

Anyhow, mum's back and i really gotta rest. Been feeling lethargic. Arghs. FATTISH. 0.0
CHAN SUIE YOU HAVE TO DO IT TO IT. :)

BYEEEE.   - suie.





www.blackmilkclothing.com.
This morning i had this conversation with my mum about cars. It wasn't the first, and it was about rich people bidding for car plates.
Ya. People who have nothing better to do (Or rather spend on) but to bid for ridiculous car plates. Yeah, like oh that car's having a car plate 99. -.- And you are paying the price of what a few LV bags for it. Okay, totally don't get it. But my mum was like, look if you were that rich you would do this kind of things, you know, splurging/spendthrift. Well, then i thought perhaps this family has a fetish for car plates or to be different from other people by have a number 99 as their car plates, you know two digits? You know 1-10 belong to the royal members only, so they are quite near. You know? No i don't know.

Buying LV(s), splurging at Blackmilk, Or buying more clothes from bazaars and fleas makes much more sense to me. -.-

After reflection: I thought its like how guys always think why does women need so much clothes. But well, if guys have much variety and cheaper clothes they would; look at people from Lookbook.

Both from blackmilkclothing .
Alright, with all the rantings aside, i kinda have much wants recently. More towards wearables. haha, but you have got to spend some bux for it!!
Boohoo! saving for good stuffs, definitely worth. :) I guess.

With FYP i am headed for a busy period. Like serious busy, cause i am going to mug for it. Like i have to. Because i have no clue how am i going to do it, but i am going to do it (Imma own it!). That's the fun part i guess, challenging myself for greater heights. We never know what's coming so wait for it or work with what you have now.

"It's never what you are made of but what you do with what you are made of."  - Step up 2.

Live for today because even today is given by grace. Never waste your time for time never waits and can never be renewed. You can only go forth and thus learn and take whatever you've got seriously and not seriously. hahaha, get what i mean? :)

Right now, i know that i have lord with me taking the lead. Though i almost say I, yet i am constantly reminded of How my Lord is my Lord. He is the reason why i am existing and what i have/had. :)

"I decided in the end to ____, _____, and everything in between."
There are prolly many things i live(d) by, and i feel that listing them down isn't going to make you remember them nor living by it. It will just serve as a promise or guide that you should abide. You change, the world turns, what's new? :) Everything. :)

Okay, i should stop, recently i am getting older than my age. What's wrong with meeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

BYEBYE! - suie!

:) - I'm back. :)
It might be misleading for some though. :)

Alright so i shall start with my camp stuff? :) Being in camp is one of the few situations/circumstances that provides you the stage to judge whether are you good in communicating/leading/bonding/sensitive or insensitive to people and situations/teamwork and whatever the motive you have in being in the camp.
Obviously, i hid it well among the new people i met in my recent years. I still suck being the 'friendly extrovert', I still give people misinterpretation about myself/my actions/behavior. I'm not complaining, its good in a way. :)

Hmm. *processing my thoughts*
During the camp, and after, i learnt many things. Once i thought i was way mature than the age i'm at, which i'm proved wrong.
In life we are given many tools, many platforms, criteria's, and constraint to work with. And some times the best way out is to not complicate matters. But usually we try to outperform, and we create problems for ourselves. I don't mean it is a bad thing. *It really depends how you see and manipulate it*
Just like when someone request you to give him/her a box. Give the marker a box and you will get full marks, like a check box marking.
Yet you will go: "width? length? dimension? design? color? pattern? material? depth? shape? what kind of cover?"
Honestly, when my senior prompted this, i wanted to ask some of the questions. Haha. That was when he re-emphasized, that all he wanted was a box. He would have checked the check box and give us full marks. It doesn't matter how pretty it is, all he wanted was a box. Get the point? :)
Many times you can derive loads of learning lessons from others. Like how when my mama was young, she had to share a set of colouring pencils with her sisters, and just nice at that particular week they had art class on the same day and period. So she chose orange, yellow and red. They all had to draw and color trees. So the teacher asked why were the leaves on your tree orange. She replied, cause it was autumn.
How smart was that man. LOL if it were me, i would be like, oh cause it's my tree and i like it orange. LOL.

Okay. Or maybe i am dumber than my mum. Eh, with age comes wisdom okay! :)
Teehee.
*Post getting longer, process!*
I shall cut it already. *for camp stuff* Camp was really a great break for me, i guess i needed some place for me to chuck my attitude away. So don't ignite it again.
Booking out, went home for quick change and lunch before a long ride to search for dresses. Fittings not bad, though it has becoming obvious to me that i need to lose about three inches minimum (overall) *to be awesomely awesome*, and my hip(glutes) is childbearing material. LOL.
We didn't waste the day even though i was in a real terrifying mood, we manage to get the outfits, ate good food, and had good laughs. :)
Lessons at smu (Reminds me how exam is nearer), i have to start on revising and planning for my Final year Project soon.
I don't mind being a personal trainer! *random thoughts*

Going for a periodic shopping session with pooh(s) :) *Tiger and piglet*
ahahahhaha. :)

Love; suie. ;)

p/s: I really hope life's just like directing a movie, where you can shout 'cut!' and change the plot you desire.



:) Going to be on my way to school in about seven hours or more.
And i will only be back on sunday night.
It's prolly the break that i need right now to sort out what i am going to do, now on.
Whether its about, friends/friendships, dating, life in general, future (5/10/6/3 yrs from now), career, dance, handicrafts, culture, whatever.
I really need to stand up and get myself tidied up.
Met up with X and M. I totally feel like some one else watching by the sidelines.
No pun intended, no hard feelings.
I guess maybe it is time to let go? I have no idea. (Totally not linking with the above two sentences.)
The thing about giving up your friends, as wrong as it sounds, is painful. At least it is to me.
I could be, but i am not, like: 'Oh, it don't matter, since its going to be awkward' Or 'If it's not meant to be, well i just have to give it up'. I can't do it.

Maybe because i am unwilling to change. In a sense: 'who the heck now at our age can be as candid and true to one and other. It's the time where we grow into little chameleons and protect ourselves with one thousand and one colors to face other chameleons.' Oh, thinking about it irks me to the core.
I can't. People know when i feel negative to them. Explains the speech from one of my friend. People know if i think or not. But they like to self delude themselves.

I get a lot of misinterpretation.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alternatively, i change.
I can be someone who doesn't talk much. (It might be unbelievable but nobody knows any other in and out completely. So quit judging.)
I can be someone who chose to not express freely how she feels about things and her surrounding.
I can be someone that listens, smiles at every single thing, sympathize with you, care for you and be there 24/7.
I almost said i can be the girl who smokes, hangout late, sleepover at random friend's house. (I don't think i would ever want everyday to be, even though it might sound fun and all damn bonding. What happened to the days where we all cherish the precious times that we could spent late nights out, or sleep over at girl's' house?) especially the studying for 'O's period. Damn, Why won't anyone reminiscence these.
Yes, people do 'change' because they grow up, they mature, the friends the have/mingle(d), their surrounding environment, circumstances. Etc
But i heard phrases like, a leopard never changes it spots. I heard things like, its easier to move a mountain than to change a person's character.
But i go with this: 'When people change it means the end.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Momentarily ranting/babbling.
I get the point totally. I'm just not satisfied in why people need this and that. Maybe i wanted so much for others to fit in (vice-versa), i guess maybe we should just stop asking each other to fit in at all.
I am going to just let things go their way, and prolly its time for me to stop being so bossy and nosy about nonsensical sh!t.

I am not really saying it is nonsensical, its just if they want you to know, you will get to know, otherwise it prolly don't concern you anyway. Alternatively, you can ask. It depends. You get direct/direct relation or inverse relation.

I am so going to not make sense if i continue.
Sleepyyyyy!

When i assume to much, I make myself sad. Be overly-confident and you get: 'Bitches talking behind you back.'
Suie: Ignorance is bliss, applies not to fools but the wise who choose not to let nonconstructive forces affect the boundaries of their power/influence.


Nights everyone! :)
loves, suie.

P/s: you might feel it. And if you don't then you prolly didn't really cared in the first place, i wouldn't mind. :)



Currently hoked on these two songs:




Her figure also not bad siol!

Ah haha.:)
After snacking on my sister's cooking i decided that she can cook now. Like 'oh my she can actually whip something like this.' TEEHEE.

Had an amazing time with the girls and seriously really liked the times with them. I must learn to cherish it, even how. :) i am trying and learning to be a better person and christian. :)

Alright, on the side note. Bumped into M. I was like, happy and glad at the same time.
In my heart iwl: *Heart fluttering* "@#$%^&U*I(!@#$%^&*(" LOL.
I guess i never did forget you, because you were the first guy that ever loved me the way i am. :) hahaa.




:) yeahhhhh! I shall go shower and play sims already! :) i can't wait for TC; yet i really hope my knee recovers quick.



Love suie! :)



Alright.
A little bit about today. I will start from the end then to the start.
Ended the day with lots of questions/thinking in my mind. Like, oh. People really do have the impression of me being superduper busy.
Is like an imprint. I have to admit that yeah, my nights are taken. But my afternoons are often free.
I know it might seem pointless even to have that pointed out. 

Met Hammie, great time. Love her. :)
she was working earlier on, which i know how much rest time she sacrifices. aww. Sweet.

while she was making her way down/working. the three of us went for 'johnny english'. I had this mini surprise for Van and arran. I hope they liked it and frankly, im worried that _____ wasn't comfortable with me the entire day.  I could feel that if it was just me and him, he would not bother (As cold as was he's reply, as much i feel him hating me, tensing up inside).
In my heart i was like: " It's really sad, as he stands a huge space in my life, and well have been in my life for freaking 12 years. "
I don't even know if you bother with how i feel now. 

I am really just finding this hard to let go.
*mumbles* Gah.
Suie. You can do it. :)

The morning was good, because despite that i wanted to sleep in more, i went out for a walk to grab my brunch. I was really hoping that i was with you. Waiting for your reply, but it came more skeptical than ever. Even picking up my calls seem like a drag to you.
In my heart iwl: "I don't want to be fake in-front of you, so i'm not going to try so hard to act cheery." (It doesn't mean i am faking cheery all the time, is just that when i get rejected i don't want to try so super hard to make some one feel perked in meeting me/conversing/be with me)
(immature) : "I know how it might be, it would be my fault entirely huh? Ever heard about it takes two hands to clap, and i made the effort. I am not saying just so that i redeem myself or what evilee perspective you have/had of me. I am a bimbo probably, yet i could feel you tensing. I wanted to cry then, its like we are judging whether to pull each other out of our hearts. Or rather you already did and you want the place you had in my heart to be given to someone else."

Since, hanging out with me, you said words like, "she forever one. / oh, she starting liao / She pull stunt again" Means, i probably am not the kind of girl you guys think i am now.
I am not fake you know, i am not two-faced. I am a simpleton, who appreciates what i have. Even though maybe by living the moment i don't cherish people the same as much as my moments in life, but i know i have been naive enough, so much that i thought i will always have you by my side yet, you drifted away so silently, or have i been too oblivious about it. Why can't you guys be honest/candid about it. Don't have to  hide the truth from me. If you wanna leave do it like that woman(Though she didn't really did it, as i was the one who confronted and it was ugly. But i got the point and, i cried and let go.). And tell me about it. At least i know, and whatever happens to me, whatever i do to forget you guys. You guys don't even have to hear about it.

Maybe i will be left standing alone, but this is one of the consequences i have to face of my decisions/choices and to be strong. Is like why won't anyone ask the strong ones how they manage to do it? Inside we are bleeding so terribly, that we became vampires and bleed no more. Our cracks heal up, and when there is a stepping stone, we dive in for the bite. That's the world now isn't it.

Enough of these thoughts. It's getting overwhelming. DIARY!
LOL. :)


Loves. :)

I still remember once a time i told myself to live life without regrets. To live the moment.


I am really bloated right now! Should have ran a few more rounds!
Moving on. There were days i wanted to blog how photography means to me.
Today whilst walking home, an ironic thought struck me.
Patties. Yeah. It irks me. Because i realize how much i don't like it but i still eat it. Which is completely out of me. The kind of smell (Eww) and the little bits of white translucent stuff you find when you chew on it, it could be the bones (now that i think of it). Gross. I am so gonna puke now.
Just like how i manage to swallow steam mince pork.
I am disgusted by myself. Similarly, sausages/ hot dogs/corn dogs/whatever you call it, Has presented the same  to me. Super disgusting condom rolls in which when you pierce your teeth into its synthetic cover burst out that empty feeling of raw-ness and juice.

Uh. Gotta stop. I must not give in to people and swallow the kind of things that i actually abhor or irks me.


Haha. i have got to pray pray and pray more often. Shhs. I should actually get my books and bible. hahahha.
:) practice tmr. Hope it goes well. two three hours of practice. :) goody. :) Monday, swimming. :) dancing. Cheers! :)
 :)

Suie. :) with lots of love.



Yeah. Heck no i am filling it with blues. Even blues are good news - smurfs.
Any chance of anyone understanding what i am writing some times? :)
I know, most of the time i rant about understanding, and like no one could ever truly understand some one. That's true. And for me, it was & is very true indeed. I am some one whom even though expressed so much of my love und desire towards some one, but the most delicate thing(s) of the person i can actually diminish it like that. The funny part was, i don't even know. Yes. Cliche - Until when it's gone.
True enough i say how much we have lost it. How much i missed it. And you actually gave me so much chances. But i lived for the moment - only. I took it and then i give it up.
I give up to easily at times, most of the time
and now you are giving it up too?

Will you give me another chance? I know how unfair it is, i promise that even though i don't know how, i'd make it up to you.
If you know my dear
Ask me out now
Ask me out
I will go meet you even how
rush it is going to be
i just want to say hi
to hold you
to see
that smile on your face
Why have you got to do this alone
I could have been there for you
I could have..
I wish we could always be the first ones
for each other.
- #1 speed dial

(even though i don't have your number now, i know you might think it could be a moment of sentimental thing for me. but it wouldn't be, cause my love and warmth for you surpass these words i conjured. I know you know. Please let not the warmth fade. Please. )

p.s: you and i weighed so heavily in each others' heart. Why let go?
you are my solution and i could be yours.
suie.

Photography. :)

Seriously!
I must stop falling in love with Gay-Boy(s). What if i become Gay. That is so not right.
By saying this doesn't mean i am against Homo(s) or whatsoever. I am just saying that, i don't wanna be gay, just like if you were  are gay, you don't wanna be straight. Tada.
Opps.

Recently i am really rotting at home or anywhere. Just too listless for anything. Even bickering with my sister requires so much effort from me, that i would just stop replying her. You think that's normal? Nope. Definitely not from this woman. LOL
WOMAN. Sheesh.
Mum just spent a bomb on health products. Whilst i spent a bomb on make up.
Some times i wonder where's the 'oh i won't put make up in the future' mindset i used to have. Some times i shouldn't be so quick on the tongue about future.

Yes. Some things that i have got to agree, is that Changes made/done/simply with/through God is more permanent than made/done/simply with./through self. Vice versa. (?)
(They are all good, but he's on the right.)





*stares*

Loves suie! ;)

Deciding whether to take up more part time courses. :(

Today went over at republic poly to have practice. Wasn't much, but i'm beat. Like seriously. Went over to winnie's birthday party, was glad to see her. She lost an amount of weight. The rest was good. :) Ate like a pig.
One thing i realize is that when you are fat, people don't comment you are fat. But to know when you are skinny is when people tease you by saying you are fat.
Nonsense aside. Planning dates with nanny, the rest not so much. I am getting pissed by a particular person.

I guess people do change or at a certain point of time, had their inner-self revealed.
Not so good. I realized actually nobody really wants to know about how you are doing. It is just a conversation starter, maintainer. Like hey how's it going? *blah* Oh really?? Woah.. *yayayaya* Okay, i see.
I am just being skeptical. I know probably sounded really offensive here. But yeah, i am just pissed because i know that actually no one is interested in what i am about to say some times. Most of the time, i just do like what i do ramble off. Hoping it get stuck some where. But no.
Some times i have to hand it God. Cause he is the only one (haha, actually maybe some times God my be like not again?! ) that will be there for ever, listening to me and replies me seriously! :) hahaha.
Okay i sounded really prissy. STRIKE.

I want to be a billionaire! :) Not really, but i do want to be cover girl. :)

hahahaha. :)
oops. I want to be some one who has the ability to have people to pamper her. That sounded prissy too. LOL!
okay lurh. Enough nonsense. Falling sick. GG.


BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Loves suie!! :)

In fact i don't think i know my best friends like i thought i knew.