Monday, October 11, 2010
Let's get it in. @ 11:46 PM
Vague. Memories of what happened in these holidays.
What i could conjured from my mind was, the countless conversation we had. Meaningless.
Regretful dance practices that i know i could have put in more effort to make it better.
Words that should not be mouthed or spoken. Thoughts that should have been voiced and acted upon.
Things that should have been done but forgotten.
I know why it seem so different these days. I've changed.
I know i said this too many a time to be counted. But yes, i realized how i've changed.
My heart is going colder, I become a sadder person in nature. But i learnt to be stronger and unaffected by words.
Yes, i am still weird i guess.
And yes, still temperamental.
Oh, not forgetting the fact, the closer you are to me, the meaner i am to you.
I realize the closest to you can hurt you in ways you can't imagine of. You thought it hurt for awhile, then you think isn't the world like this. Numbed is how i see it. Even how optimistic i am, i suppose i can't be as carefree i used to be. Maybe in the past, these things don't interest me, and don't really matter. But when i held on things that tell me the world isn't what it is said to be, i realize it struck back the way it is.
Can anyone understand what i wrote here. Or am i just randomly ranting to myself. Maybe i really pondered to much, and these thoughts get too far. Maybe everything is so simple as it is, but picture this, isn't humans the very reason for all the causes they trying to mend?
Yes. I prolly think too much and seen too far. And i bet i am not the only one. Curiosity kills, look what it did to the cat.
Going for a swim later.
P/S: maybe you don't see what's important and crucial to me. You tell me you love/loved me. You tell me i can pour to you. But look, you are the one depending on me, i am the one assuring and affirming you. I know i ain't strong and you aren't too. But someone's gotta take me when i fall, and i know it isn't you nor anyone, but what i believe, only by faith-heart-mind-soul, my lord, God.